Stage blacks, loss, and comfort

A few Sunday nights ago, something happened in my personal life that really threw me for a loop. I suffered a loss, in a way. There was not a death or a divorce or anything that typically comes to mind at the mention of a loss... but I had to give up something very dear to me, and it tore out a piece of my heart. That is all I can really say about it publicly. The situation has mostly ameliorated itself since then, but at the time, it felt like something I would never be able to get over.

So began a hellish tech week at work for a show that opened on the following Thursday. I had already known that the week was going to be awful due to the projected 15-hour workdays and only 4.5-5 hours sleep per night, which is typical for tech weeks in my line of work. You just suck it up and push through it. I had to dress for comfort, I needed to wear something I wouldn't have to think about much, and I wanted to never look in the mirror and feel frumpy or wish that I had worn something that makes me feel more confident. And, since I train my student wardrobe crew during tech week, I usually wear an all-black or mostly-black ensemble on the first or more dress rehearsal day(s) in order to be a good example to them of how I expect them to wear stage blacks for every dress rehearsal and performance.

Partway through Monday, I decided I should go with all-black ensembles for the entire week, embracing the ephemeral grief and making a wardrobe theme week of it, thereby making the best of the crummy situation by using it as Circle of Clothes fodder. There is something about mourning garb that I find comforting, so it helped ease my troubled state of mind. When anyone at work made an observation about my nearly colorless wardrobe that week, I simply chalked it up to dressing for dress rehearsals. Also, I feel really confident in black.

I did allow myself to bring in some accent colors, but only if they could be easily removed in order for the ensemble to be all-black for backstage purposes.

Monday:Sheesh, could I look any more morose?

Apparently so:I meant to remove those gloves for the photos. Sometimes it's terribly cold in the costume shop, so fingerless gloves are one of the ways I deal with it.

Tuesday:I always feel so pretty in this tunic. The princessy sleeves have a lot to do with it.

Wednesday:Notice how my mood was already starting to improve?
Your mood would be improving too, if you had a little wooden bird perched upon your shoulder!
On Tuesday night, someone dear to me had called me a "strange girl," so the quirky details of Wednesday's ensemble felt very appropriate.

Thursday:I'm imagining myself a 1940s starlet, bravely wearing pants and in need of a cigarette holder despite the fact that I don't smoke... but I think I just come off looking pissed again.

There, that's better:
I wrote earlier than I allowed myself to add accent colors to my all-black ensembles if the colored items could be removed for backstage purposes, meaning that all the accent colors had been small accessories until this day - but I'm cheating a bit with the buttons on these pants: the dresser aprons my students and I wear when working backstage would cover them completely.

I LOVE these pants. I had grown out of being able to wear them comfortably in recent years, but hung on to them because they're so cool. My recent unexpected weight-loss (explained in the post before this one) and ab-toning has made them fit better than ever. I love that they are nearly too long on me, especially as they appear to be in this no-feet shot; because it is so hard to find pants that fit my J.Lo-booty and my long legs at the same time, having pants that are almost too long feels like a luxury. The length when I'm standing still like this looks a little odd, but when I'm walking or sitting, they're fabulously dramatic.

This was my first time wearing Chinese hair sticks. It's hard to see them in any of these shots, though.I've had them for years, but only pulled them out because I was looking for more black hair accessories. I can't believe I never tried them before, because they're awesome. Hopefully I remember to use them more.

Friday:After the draining week, I enjoyed taking a scheduled furlough day that Friday, running errands and going to appointments. There was no need for me to wear stage blacks, but I continued the theme anyhow. It is fortunate that my snow boots are also black, because I needed them that morning.
I found this necklace at a little open air market in Buenos Aires. I hope I get to go back there some day, especially now that I can call myself an Argentine tango dancer. But the main thing I want to go back there for is to make more unique wardrobe acquisitions!

I could have easily gone another week with all-black ensembles without repeating any items except shoes and maybe my black thermal leggings. So, which did you like best? Or least?

Jane's Spring Capsule Wardrobe Challenge

I decided, rather last-minute, to join in Jane's Spring Capsule Wardrobe Challenge again.

I used to think I looked awful in brown. Then I bought the world's greatest boots, making it practically necessary to (oops, I guess I'll have to!) start incorporating brown into my wardrobe. It's still not the best color on me, but I have learned that some browns look much better on me than others, and I've learned how to accessorize in a way that helps keep me from feeling blah in it. So as a challenge, I decided to make this week mostly about brown, limiting myself to just one pair of shoes in - you guessed it - brown.

Rather than planning everything out on paper like I did last time, I winged it through Wednesday, not counting my items until figuring out what to wear for Thursday and Friday. But looking over these photos, I just realized that I may have failed, because I forgot to count my purse. I use the same sensible black purse every day, no matter what else I'm wearing (and I will keep using it every day it until it's so tattered that it must be replaced with whatever I can find that is almost exactly like it in form and function, just as I did with its mother and its grandmother), so I think of it as an extension of my body.

My ten wardrobe items (not counting aforementioned purse):
1) blue jeans
2) brown cable-knit leggings
3) brown knit mini-skirt
4) dotted purple sleevelesss top
5) purply-brown metallic-woven jacket
6) brown cardigan
7) gold sweater-dress
8) refashioned purple-brown floral-print tiered dress
9) boring brown Dansko clogs
10) green crochet flower pin (I forgot about this item when keeping track of my accessories, because it is necessary to use a pin to keep the jacket closed, so it ended up being counted as one of my ten wardrobe items)

My five accessories:
1) brown wood earrings
2) brown shell necklace
3) red/orange/mustard bead earrings
4) red bead bracelet
5) sensible brown plastic headband

And my permitted outerwear of coat, scarf, hat, and gloves:
And now with the offending purse that sends my items over the limit if counted:
I don't remember if I've shared my outerwear on this blog before. Well, in case it isn't obvious, I LOVE this coat. It has become so worn and threadbare in recent years that I have had to patch it extensively from the inside on both elbows, on my left back shoulder, in one armpit, and over a huge area of my left hip. But it only shows if you look closely. People are always shocked when they notice it. I should show how I did that sometime. I have been trying to find a suitable replacement for two years, but finally accepted that I'm just going to have to make a copy of it. The process has already been started, but it looks like I won't finish it in time to wear it this winter.

Well, on with the show. Monday:
This jacket is made of a beautiful metallic weave. I wish I had a close-up shot to share. I bought it for maybe $10 at Jomar a few years ago. It was a sample piece, unwearable because the collar, while interestingly dramatic in theory, was completely wonky and unmanageable. A saw a lot of women excitedly try it on, then put it back in disappointment. Lots of factory rejects and failed sample pieces end up at the Jomar. So I refashioned it, taming the collar into its present form. I have to use a pin or broach to get it to lay nicely when closed, but that's part of the fun of it.

Tuesday:
I also wore the jacket over the dress that day, but forgot to photograph with it.

Wednesday:
Note: I wear scissors and a key on a cord around my neck for work every day, so it's not one of my accessories, or at least, not intentionally.I got a lot of mileage out of my sock collection this week. I figured I could do so since hosiery and underwear don't count in the ten items and five accessories, right? I'm wearing two pairs here, but it looks like three. Can you identify which layer isn't really a separate pair? :-)

Thursday:
You probably can't tell from the photos, but I have lost some weight. Between August and December, I lost about 16 pounds, dropping from 143 to 127. I wasn't even trying to do so. I was even a little worried at first, when I weighed myself in November and realized that the new looseness in my clothes wasn't just my imagination, but a concrete and rather large number. But I had simply made some lifestyle changes: less blogging/reading/commenting, starting a minimum 2-year hiatus from professional costume design gigs, taking pilates and belly dance classes about once a week, bringing ballroom dance back into my life in a huge way, and not coming home exhausted and starving from 15-hour workdays and scarfing down a bunch of carbs before passing out. Since free evenings that had been previously spent out for dinner and drinks with friends or at home on the couch (either of which involved alcoholic calorie intake) are now spent out dancing (and I can't drink and dance, or at least not ballroom dance), there has been a sharp inversion in my calories-consumed-to-calories-burned ratio. Since then, I seem to have stabilized in the 126-128 lb range. I feel great (albeit a little sore-footed and swollen-kneed sometimes, from all the dancing), I'm doing what makes me happy, my abs have never looked this good, and my body seems to be telling me that this is the size and shape it wants to be. I felt great about my body and all my jiggly bits even at my peak weight of 143, and I kinda miss what I had begun to fondly call my beer bump, but I'm thoroughly enjoying fitting into clothes I had grown out of and was about to give away.

Anyhow, the only reason I brought it up: beneath these jeans, I'm wearing a pair of medium-thick leggings and a pair of yoga pants with a fold-down waist (adding further waist thickness), and they still look a bit baggy on my butt. When the weather warms up and I no longer need so many layers, girlfriend is going to have to do some jeans-shopping.

Friday:

Okay, that's everything. I really need to polish those shoes, eh.